My conclusions about guilt and parenting

Okay, despite the heading of this post, I am going to try and keep it fairly light and straightforward.  Ben and I spent last weekend with his family in Portsmouth, VA, celebrating Nana's 90th birthday.  It was a great time, and I think I have eaten enough cake to last me for a while.  It was also great to chat with brothers- and sisters-in-law and let all the cousins play with each other (Ally is one of 5 Evans grandchildren and one of 6 Jackson great-grandchildren).  After spending time with all the kids and watching them interact, I came to some conclusions.

As a mom, I have often fallen victim to "Mommy guilt."  Over the past 2 years, my guilt has generally revolved around the issue of balancing the roles of working outside the home and being a mom.  Is it okay that I don't want to be a full-time stay-at-home mom?  Is it okay to want to attend a conference out of town for presenting research and networking?  I have felt guilty for being required to teach an 8am class 3 days per week last semester and for being required to attend Doctoral Seminar in the fall which went until 5:45pm two days per week.  I have wondered if being away from Ally from 8am-5pm during the week is a bad thing, and if we're going to pay for it somewhere down the road.  But after this weekend, I came to some very important conclusions; some directly related to Ally and her cousins and most unrelated:

1.  Guilt is self-inflicted.  A person cannot "make" me feel guilty.  Sure, a person can say something with the intention of inducing a guilt trip, but the decision to react with guilt is completely mine.  If I have confidence in myself and my decisions, then I have no reason to feel guilty.

2.  As far as I know, there is nothing in the Bible that says that a mom is absolutely never ever allowed to have a career outside the home.  But rather, the choice to stay at home or work outside the home should be made prayerfully, with an open mind and heart, the willingness to be led in a direction I may have never considered, and the willingness to be flexible and understand that what I'm being called to do now may not necessarily be what I'm called to do in the future.

3.  Kids' behavior is probably more related to their age, their personality, and how their parents handle them, and not because of whether one parent stays at home.  We have friends and family who run the gamut here; some who stay at home full time, some who stay at home part time and some who work full time.  One of my sisters-in-law stays at home full time; the other works part-time.  I wouldn't say that their kids are necessarily better behaved than Ally or that Ally is necessarily better behaved than her cousins.  We have friends with toddlers who are mellow and toddlers who throw temper tandrums at the drop of a hat, and their parents career/staying at home choices span both sides of the fence.

4.  And when I'm feeling a moment of doubt, all I have to do is look at Ally.  She is happy, sweet, laughs a lot, keeps up with her peers, easygoing, and one of the most agreeable toddlers that I know.  That's my answer right there.