Soap Opera Viewer

So for most of the summer, I've had a pretty flexible schedule where I'm able to be home in the middle of the day. When I'm doing stuff like lifting weights or eating lunch, I like to watch TV, and I have started watching the soap opera Days of our Lives. I was semi-familiar with this soap before because my grandmother is a very committed Days watcher. I don't think that I'm going to get that committed, as I won't be able to watch it when school starts back. If I need a fix, I can read the updates online. Here are some observations I've made about soap characters, which I'm pretty sure are universal to all soaps.

1. Everyone dresses REALLY well. I mean, you have two girls going out for coffee, and they're wearing sundresses and big jewelry and their hair and make-up is perfect. I mean, they hardly ever wear jeans! (Okay, I should add that since I'm an exercise physiologist, I'm either in the lab or working out with patients, so sundresses and big jewelry are not exactly reasonable fashion options for me.)

2. The main occupations of choice for soap characters seem to be cop, doctor, lawyer, or business tycoon. But a lot of the time, you don't even see them at work! And it's the middle of the day! So then do most soap story episodes take place on the weekend?

3. Everyone has either been married to everyone else, or has slept with everyone else.

4. Everyone is related somehow, either by blood, marriage, or adoption.

5. Related to #4, people are not shy about getting into romantic relationships with their adopted relatives. Example from Days: Stephanie is currently dating her adoptive uncle Max. Okay, I know there's no blood relation, but still, ew!

6. Everyone's been in trouble with the law at some point, even the teenagers/young adults, and a large majority have done jail time.

7. Soaps are set in small towns. I guess that's why everyone's been in relationships with everyone else; not much to choose from.

8. Soap characters have a lot of money.

9. Soap characters go into comas a lot. Like, you think someone is dead, and they might have disappeared for several years, but really they were just chillin' out in a coma. Of course, when they wake up, there's no brain damage, and they're perfectly back to normal.

10. Related to #10, soap characters seem to make amazing and rapid recoveries from usually-fatal illnesses/accidents.

11. Kids age really fast on soaps. A baby will be born, then you won't see them for say 5 years, but when they come back, they're already a teenager.

If there are any other soap watchers out there, feel free to add to the list.